Faithful, Isolate and Scrutinize
Faithful...what does that mean? Do I love you from afar with a world
of ocean and land keeping our physical orbits separate? Do I remain
steadfast, loyal, consistent and ever understanding? How do I explain
our situation to friends and family who scrutinize our love? People
who ask "well how do you remain together if you only see each other
once every 8 months?" Each word they utter seems to isolate me. Leaves
me feeling as if I must rationalize, explain, convince and prove
we are faithful to each other. Faithful not just in sex but in the
mindset. Love isn't something one can just toss over. The heart
loves as it will and no intellectual process is going to undermine
that love. Scrutinize, look, investigate, check, followup...none
of these are options I have. For if love would have proof it no longer
remains love. And so I remain alone. I isolate myself as well as feel
isolated from those I love. Not anxious to explain something that perhaps
may not be understandable, I Isolate myself from those that might judge.
And even with my own doubts which I sweep aside like yesterday's news - I
know all the reasons for our separation and so therefore, I must accept how
we are now and how our situation may remain.
I know life is unfair. I know we are both lucky at this point to be alive.
And when I dreamed of being in love it wasn't a dream of isolation,
it wasn't a dream of being scrutinized. Love is its own master. Love isn't
in existence to fulfill dreams. Love is more than what we want. So here I
stay...and you are over there. I remain faithful. I sit, and I wait and I hope.