"Livin' Like a Lusty Flower" ~ SCROLL DOWN!!! Share Some Life With Me!

"Livin' Like a Lusty Flower" ~ SCROLL DOWN!!! Share Some Life With Me!
"Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right"





Friday, January 31, 2014

The Wheel and The Quilt

(copyright) AAvary Mandala
"The Wheel is turning and you can't slow down. You can't let go and you can't hold on. You can't go back and you can't stand still. If the thunder don't get you then the lightning will" "But the spirit she moves me. In fact she pushes me along It's a patchwork quilt of a life can't stop the river Just let it roll." "Won't you try just a little bit harder? Couldn't you try just a little bit more? Won't you try just a little bit harder? Couldn't you try just a little bit more?" "A patchwork quilt of a life, memories embroidered on your soul" "nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile..."

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Friends and Enemies

Gilgamesh and Enkidu

"It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business."

Mohandas K. Gandhi
The Standard Arkadian Version
compiled as a story in 1300 BC
an ancient poem; it is
the story of two enemies who became friends
and elaborates the wisdom of overcoming hatred.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Amazement and Wonder

 “When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.”
Mary Oliver 

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

A Box of Love and Darkness

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
 It took me years to understand that this too, 
was a gift.” 

Anxious, Devoted, Scrawny, Helpless, Powerless...

Anxious...so you're going to the hospital again, damn! I'm glad but worried. At first I told you not to go. You always have to go to the hospital and I thought maybe through meditation and exercise along with the blasted ugly medication the doctor prescribes well the combined efforts of all these good habits might set you on a better health course. Maybe this time you could avoid the pricks and pokes by well meaning and concerned nurses and doctors. But the fact is that your sleep time has been getting thin and scrawny. The doctor's appointment you kept this past week has proved your chemical makeup is out of balance and that if you don't get some sleep, devoted as you have been to making sleep happen you will be in trouble if your mind can't slow down; if your body gets so exhausted that it has to turn off. Who wants to go crazy because the mind won't stop and there is nothing you can do. No medications work, no meditative techniques help, no exercise or manual labor brings sleep. The Hurricane rests just beneath the lids of your eyes. There is nothing I can do for you. I feel useless. I feel helpless and I feel powerless. I feel angry and frightened and scared. Depressed, I don't think anyone really knows because I can't show it. If I give in to this sadness I don't think I can get myself out of it...so I keep on doing what I can to "help" and stay positive. I act on the outside like everything is all right but underneath all my happy behaviors is a stifled scream of fear of "wait a minute!! isn't there anything we can do to make this better?!!" I ruminate over and over again about how you told me last Christmas that this would happen. I can't forget the days we've lost to medication and to this blasted physical residual side effect of having brain cancer. I pray that you will find some relief. I don't have a prayer for myself I pray for you because there is nothing left that I can do.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Stairs: Projection Mapping

Faithful, Isolate, Scrutinize...

Faithful, Isolate and Scrutinize

Faithful...what does that mean? Do I love you from afar with a world 
of ocean and land keeping our physical orbits separate? Do I remain 
steadfast, loyal, consistent and ever understanding? How do I explain 
our situation to friends and family who scrutinize our love? People
who ask "well how do you remain together if you only see each other 
once every 8 months?" Each word they utter seems to isolate me. Leaves 
me feeling as if I must rationalize, explain, convince and prove 
we are faithful to each other. Faithful not just in sex but in the 
mindset. Love isn't something one can just toss over. The heart 
loves as it will and no intellectual process is going to undermine 
that love. Scrutinize, look, investigate, check, followup...none 
of these are options I have. For if love would have proof it no longer 
remains love. And so I remain alone. I isolate myself as well as feel
isolated from those I love. Not anxious to explain something that perhaps 
may not be understandable, I Isolate myself from those that might judge. 
And even with my own doubts which I sweep aside like yesterday's news - I 
know all the reasons for our separation and so therefore, I must accept how 
we are now and how our situation may remain.  
     I know life is unfair. I know we are both lucky at this point to be alive. 
And when I dreamed of being in love it wasn't a dream of isolation,
it wasn't a dream of being scrutinized. Love is its own master. Love isn't 
in existence to fulfill dreams. Love is more than what we want. So here I
stay...and you are over there. I remain faithful. I sit, and I wait and I hope.